CYPRIOT JOKES & ANECDOTES
Updated every week
Here are some funny stories, jokes and anecdotes to tell your friends
“Lighten the mood and make your friends laugh!”
FUNNY STORIES FROM CYPRUS
CAMPERS IN TROODOS
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge mouflon suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet before them. The mouflon sees the campers and aggressively begins to head toward them. The first camper drops his backpack, digs out a pair of running shoes, and frantically begins to put them on. The second camper says, “What are you doing? They won’t help you outrun that mouflon.” The second camper replied, “I don’t need to outrun the mouflon, I just need to outrun you!”
A VISIT TO PLATRES
I was passing the village of Platres and I decided to stop at the coffee shop when I saw that a man was playing chess with his dog. I sat back and watched in amazement and it came to the point when I had to say something! I walked over to the man and I said, “That has to be the most intelligent dog ever!” the man looked up and replied, “Absolutely not! The dog hasn’t won a single game yet!”
A BARBERS SHOP IN DALI
A man and a young boy walked in to a barber’s shop in Dali to get a haircut. The man said to the the barber “Give the boy a haircut while I go to the shops nearby”. The barber said “ OK, no problem!” and the boy happily hopped on to his chair. After the haircut was finished the barber patiently waited, but there was no sign of the man. After two hours passed, the barber asked the boy “Where has your father got to?” The shocked boy then said, “That man was not my father, he just told me that if I wanted to get a free haircut at the barbershop, I should follow him!”
A NUN FROM LIMASSOL
A taxi driver collects a young attractive nun from outside of the Catholic Church in Limassol to take her to the Four Seasons Hotel. After the nun takes her seat she notices that the taxi driver won’t stop staring at her. Eventually the nun asks the driver, “Why are you staring at me? “The driver promptly replies, “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you”. “The nun replies, “I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” The taxi driver then says, “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy of having a nun kiss me.” The nun thinks for a moment and then says, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that!” and goes on to say, “Are you single? and are you a Catholic?” The driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and I am Catholic!” to which the nun replies. “Ok, pull into the next side street.” The nun fulfils the driver’s fantasy with a kiss that would make anyone blush, but when they get back on the road, the driver starts weeping in sorrow. The confused nun asks the driver “I have just fulfilled your fantasy, why are you crying?” to which the driver replies “Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess to you that I am married and I am not Catholic,” to which the nun replies, “Don’t worry its all ok! my name is George and I’m on my way to a Halloween party at the Four Seasons.”
AN OLD LADY FROM LEFKARA
A little old lady goes to her doctor for a check-up and the doctor asks her “Are you having any problems?”. The old lady replies “Yes doctor I have a problem with gas and I fart all the time, but fortunately for me no one can hear them or smell them”. She goes on to say, “In fact, I have farted twice in the last minute or so and I bet you didn’t hear or smell them!” The doctor, after an examination says, “Ok, I can treat this problem with an over-the-counter medication, a prescription, and a referral.” He goes on to say, “The over-the-counter medication will help your body produce less gas, the prescription is medication that will help you recover your sense of smell, and the referral is for an Audiologist to see if they can help you to hear better.
AN OLD LADY FROM PYRGOS TIS TYLLIKAS
An old lady from Pyrgos Tis Tyllikas sees a man on the opposite side of a river. The man calls out across the gap, “How do I get to the other side of the river.” The lady looks on slightly puzzled and then says “You are on the other side of the river.”
A LIBRARY IN NICOSIA
A man walked into a library in Nicosia and asked the librarian for a ham and cheese sandwich. The librarian politely said, “Sorry sir, but you are in a library” The man looked up at the library sign, and replied, “I am so sorry”, He then whispered to the librarian, “Can I please have a ham and cheese sandwich?”
A DOCTOR IN PACHNA
A man from Pachna goes to his doctor to follow up on the previous days test results and when he enters the doctors office, the doctor sits him down and says, “I am sorry to tell you that I have some good news and some very bad news for you”. The man looks up and replies “OK, give it to me straight, what’s the good news? The doctor sighs and replies ”I am sorry to say that you have just 24 hours to live”. The surprised man replies, “Oh god, just 24 hours to live and that is the good news! What’s the bad news?” the doctor replies “ I am sorry to say that I forgot to phone you yesterday!”
A BANK ROBBERY IN LIMASSOL
A group of robbers entered a Bank of Cyprus in Limassol, and their leader went straight to the manager and threatened him by saying, “If you try to do anything smart, you’re fiction.” The manager looked confused and said, “Don’t you mean ‘You’re history’?” The robber angrily replied, “Don’t change the subject, okay?”
TWO CROWS IN PERVOLIA
Two crows in a field in Pervolia notice a figure that looks like a man in the distance. “What is that over there?”, says the first crow. The second crow takes a long look and then replies, “That’s a scarecrow!” The first crow then says, “So how can you tell it’s a scarecrow and not a real person?” The second crow chuckles and then replies, “Look at its hand, no mobile phone”.
A CYPRUS CRUISE
A cruise ship from Cyprus to Greece passes by a remote island in the Aegean Sea and all the passengers see a bearded man wearing rags running around, screaming, shouting and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “Who is that man over there?” The captain replies “I have no idea, but he does this every year when we pass him!”
CYPRUS VILLAGE LIFE
A little boy named George from the village of Aradipou was late for school. His teacher made an example of him by making him stand up in front of the class to explain why he was late. His teacher said, “Ok George, what is your explanation for being so late?”, George replied, “Well, I had to take our cow to our neighbour’s field so that the bull could get her pregnant.” Surprised, The teacher looked on and said, “George, couldn’t your father do that?” George then gave his teacher a puzzled look and replied “Well, I suppose he could, but I think the bull has had more experience with cows.”
A COCKROACH IN ZYGI
A man from the village of Zygi thought he saw a cockroach in his kitchen. This prompted him to spray everything down and clean the whole kitchen thoroughly. The next day his wife placed a dead cockroach in the bathroom and then made further plans for both bedrooms!
A RICH MAN FROM KITI
A rich man from the village of Kiti was on his death bed and he called together his three most trusted advisors, his priest, his doctor, and his lawyer. He told them that he had found a way of taking his money with him, but he needed their help! He gave each one €500,000 in cash and told them that his plan would only work if they put the money in an envelope and placed it in his coffin at his funeral. The man died a week later and after the funeral, the three friends went the local coffee shop and began to discuss the strange request their friend made. The priest said that his dear departed friend will never know the good deed that he has done and he went on to say that he knew that his friend could not take the money with him and that the church needed a new roof, so he got the roof repaired and then he put the remaining €200,000 and a receipt for the repair into the envelope and placed this into the coffin. The doctor then admitted that he also knew that his friend could not take the money with him and that the children’s hospital needed €400,000 to finish building its new wing, so he put €100,000 and a receipt into the envelope and placed this into the coffin. The lawyer however, disagreed with both of them explaining that they should both be ashamed of themselves. The lawyer stated that both the priest and doctor had violated the trust of their friend and that there could be a legal case to answer! Both the priest and the doctor were shocked and immediately asked what the lawyer did with his money, to which the lawyer then stated that he was an honest legal advisor and that he placed a cheque for the full amount in his envelope and placed this into the coffin.
TWO DONKEYS IN TROODOS
A man from Limassol staggers into a roadside bar just off of the road to the Troodos Mountains, demanding a large brandy. The barman pours the drink and says to the man “So, what’s your story?” The man gulps down the brandy and then says, “Well, I was driving along and the engine on my brand new BMW suddenly just stopped! So I cruised into the layby just along the road here and I opened the bonnet. I have no idea how these modern cars work, so I thought I would call the dealership back in Limassol. As I was looking for their number, two donkeys come up to the fence and peered at the engine. As I looked on, one of them said as clear as day! “I can fix this for you” The man holding his head said, “I couldn’t believe my ears!” The barman looked on and said “Ok, what happened next?” The man still holding his head said “Well, this is the extraordinary thing. The donkey told me to press down on the plastic cover until I heard a click and then he told me to try the engine, and it started immediately!” The barman, calmly polishing the next batch of glasses then said “I see, tell me what colour was this donkey?” The man with a shocked look on his face then said “Colour? Colour? Whatever do you mean? The damn’ thing spoke to me, clear as day! But if you must know it was a white donkey!” To which the barman calmly said “Thought so.” The man then stood up and screamed “Thought so? Didn’t you hear what I was saying? This donkey not only spoke to me, but he also fixed my car!” The barman then calmy repied, “Well”, I thought it would be him. The brown one knows absolutley nothing about BMW engines!”
CYPRIOT AT THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP
A group of Cypriots have front row seats at the World Cup Final, and one of them makes his way to his seat next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty, so he leans over and asks his compatriot if someone will be sitting there. “No”, says the compatriot. “The seat is empty and nobody is sitting there!” The shocked man replies “Wow, who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final and not use it?” The compatriot sighs and goes on to say, “Well actually the seat belongs to me! I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away and this will be the first World Cup Final since we got married that I will be watching alone.” The man then replies “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible!… But….. couldn’t you find someone else to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No”, he says. “They’re all at her funeral back in Ayia Napa.”
A FARMER FROM PLATRES
A man was walking along a country road near the village of Platres, when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, “How long will it take me to get to the next village?” The farmer didn’t answer and just ignored him. The man shrugged his shoulders, waited a bit and then started walking down the road again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out “About 20 minutes!” The man swivelled around and shouted back “Thank you! But why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?” The farmer shouted back “I didn’t know how fast you could walk!”
AN HONEST MAN FROM DALI
A man from Dali arrived at a job interview nice and early and upon entering the interviewer’s office, he stated how nicely decorated it was. The impressed interviewer said to him, “With an attitude like yours, I would be stupid not to hire you!” he went on to ask “What would you consider to be your biggest weakness?” The man replied, “It has to be honesty, I don’t know how to be anything other than completely honest with every single person I meet.” The interviewer said “Really, I don’t see how ‘honesty’ could be considered a weakness! I think it’s a great strength to have!” To which the man replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t give a damn what you think.”
EATING GUNPOWDER IN LIMASSOL
A tough old man from Limassol counselled his granddaughter and he told her that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her breakfast every morning. The young girl did this religiously every morning until she died at the age of 103. She left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 33 great-grandchildren, 12 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be. The local priest stated, “She went out with a bang!”
THREE SAILORS FROM POLIS
Three merchant seamen from Polis Chrysochous find themselves stranded on a deserted island after their ship sinks. As they look around, one of them finds a magic lamp, which he rubs down revealing a Genie. The three sailors look on in amazement as the Genie agrees to grant them one wish each. The first sailor says “I want to go home,” The Genie looks on and says “No problem” and as he snaps his fingers, the first sailor disappears in a puff of smoke. This prompts the second jubilant sailor to say “Wow, I want to go home, too,” Another snap of the fingers and a puff of smoke sends him back home too. The Genie then turns to the final sailor who looks on and says, “You know what, I’m kind of feeling lonely now, I sure wish my friends were back here with me!”
PENGUINS IN PISSOURI
A man from Pissouri was driving his van down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked into the back of the van and said, “Why do have a load of penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins and they belong to me.” The police officer replied “You need to take them to the zoo,” the man paused and said “Ok, I will” The next day, the police officer saw the same man in his van driving down the road again, so he pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the back of the van, but this time they were wearing sunglasses . “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”, the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”
DECORATORS FROM PYRGOS
A man asked a decorator from the village of Pyrgos to do some work on his house. He said to the decorator, “I want you to paint my porch”. The decorator looked on and replied, “No problem, but it will cost you €200 and this includes the paint” After they agreed the man went to the local coffee shop and told the decorator to meet him there when the job was done. A few hours later, the decorator arrived at the coffee shop for his payment and the man promptly paid the decorator and asked “Was everything ok?” The decorator replied, “Yes, it was an easier job than I expected!” The man then said “What do you mean by that?” The decorator replied, “Well sir, painting your car was easier than I thought, and you know it’s not really a Porsche is it!”
😂😂😂😂